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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The season

On the subway platform to work today, I hear a scream. Morning commutes are always devoid of talk, hundreds of people totally silent, so the scream is cause to look. Maybe someone got scared by a rat? Instead, an older woman with 80s-style glasses runs down the platform and grabs another woman from behind and says, "How dare you?" The other woman, a young hipster, turns around surprised. "How dare *I*? Get your hands off me old lady!" The older woman stands shocked and shakes her head, disgusted. I wonder which one is at fault and who to side with. The train pulls up.

We cram into the train. I am positioned under a man's armpit, between a woman on one side and the seat on another. Sitting in the seat, a black man lips the words to gospel that is playing on his portable DVD player. He is not using headphones so we can all hear the gospel. Me and him are the only ones that can see it on his screen though. I begin to wonder if he is part of the choir or if he knows someone in the choir, because why would he be so passionately into the songs? And why would he know all the words?

Up on the street, Macy's has its windows decorated. They have put up a giant inflatable elf above one of the entrances. I pass by three Salvation Army collections--all ring bells, one has a french horn. Homeless people congregate outside K-Mart and tourists gather outside the popcorn store ("one of Oprah's favorite things!"). Every store I pass is pumping holiday pop. Our office building has strung politically-correct purple and red lights on the trees outside and on a large wreath hung in the lobby. There are signs saying the building management is doing a coat collection for the homeless but, last year, I actually brought a coat to donate and the guy at the front-desk had no idea what I was talking about and sent me to the local police precinct instead. I figure the sign is just for public relations.

Thanksgiving was spent at my recently-engaged friend's place in Queens. Saturday night, I went to the Russian & Turkish bath house, which is quickly becoming a favorite spot. I was introduced to the manager, Dimitri, who complained about cheap Russians. In the biggest steam room, I realize I am sweating next to Jonathan Ames who is apparently a regular here.

On the phone last night, my parents inform me they have returned from Iran now. They have come and gone, and I still don't have my papers. Part of me is relieved, but the other part feels time passing.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Apple + Pumpkin

He brings me a gigantic apple as a present, instead of flowers. He places it next to my miniature pumpkin that I’ve had out since Halloween. “Look at how cute they are—a pumpkin that isn’t normally little and an apple that isn’t normally big. They're so different. It’s like you and me,” he says. We snap a picture.


“You’re just like a pumpkin because I’m convinced you turn into one every night when you go running away so abruptly,” he says.

***

I take him out to dinner. We ride to 58th Street from St. Marks on his motorcycle, weaving through cabs as he flicks them off (“they’re a menace to this city!” I hear him yell over the wind) and I hold on for dear life, imagining I am going to die any moment in these ridiculous high-heeled boots I’m wearing.


The restaurant is very proper with chandeliers and plush red walls and roses and candles on every table. We walk in with our helmets and everyone in their suits stops to stare at us. For effect, I accidentally knock a vase over with my helmet. The owner comes by to discuss motorcycles and his youth and he comps us a bottle of wine.

***

But there is a destructive side of me, so I ask, “Do you really believe in conspiracy theories? Like, do you earnestly and honestly believe in them?”

“I don’t believe in theories,” he says. “I believe in science, proven things. What you see on the media is the real ‘theory’. Your parents are from Iran. You should know this.”

I try not to let him see me smile. I hold myself back from debating. I change the subject, willful amnesia.

One radio is running NPR in the back of his place by the kitchen. Another radio is running a different talk radio show in the front of the apartment, in the living room. Both are talking about how Zuccotti Park was evicted. We stare at the books that line the shelves on every wall.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Temporary

The Russian & Turkish Bathhouse on 10th Street in the Village looks like its been frozen in time in the 1980s. You walk into a dining-room with linoleum floors, fluorescent lighting, faux wood paneling, and a surely Russian chef behind the counter who seems personally offended any time anyone orders anything. Fat, hairy men sit at the tables in their towels. The hallway is sopping with wet footprints. A Turkish boy with a peach-fuzz mustache hands out threadbare brown towels and strange black hospital-like robes that don't really work. Portly naked women in the locker room warn me about bathing without the robe that is handed out. "Watch out," one says in a thick Russian accent. "These men like to stare at pretty young skin like yours."

He said to meet him in the "big Russian room." So, when I descend into the subterranean warren of steam rooms and saunas, I peek my head into every room, each time eliciting awkward moments in which numerous people lift their heads up to stare at me through the steam. The "big Russian room" ends up being the last one, the one with stone walls, the one where men lay on wooden planks being kneaded by other men, where some women unsnap their bikini tops, where people stand in line to throw buckets of ice-cold water on each other. He smiles at me when I enter, his big charming shiny smile.

After the first date, I was certain I would never contact him again. But he offered to cook for me, so I decided to go on one more date. He's a "filmmaker" and an "art-handler." In New York City language, that means he has a rent-control apartment and he moves things as a day job. I've been dating all these rich jerks for a while, so why not try someone poor? For variety. He's interesting at least: His mom was a Jewish bohemian who settled in the East Village and had three children by three different men in three different countries. They grew up in a ground-floor apartment on St. Marks, which he now lives in with a cat named Max (yes, rent-control). It's between the Yaffa Cafe and Cafe Mogador next door to a second-hand bookstore, and it hasn't been renovated since his mother lived there. The bathroom is in the kitchen, the wooden floors are painted red, the kitchen cabinets are just shelves. The thing is: He's an amazing chef. He has one of those CSA shares so the wooden table in the kitchen is always piled with vegetables. We spend Friday nights peeling potatoes and carrots, drinking red wine and laughing, and later eating. I've never dated anyone so poor, so healthy. I've eaten at a lot of fancy restaurants, and I would say his cooking is way up there, sometimes even better.

He's been going to the Russian & Turkish baths since he was young ("only the co-ed nights," he assures me). He introduces me to the other regulars, gnarled old people with crazy city tales. He remembers a time when Madonna made it fashionable for women to walk outside wearing only their bras. He remembers his mother's gay friends dying of AIDS at St. Vincent's. He listens to music the same way he has all his life: By turning the knob on the radio until there is a signal. He is passionate about rent-control and water-quality and organic food. But he is also a conspiracy theorist, which means this will not last forever. But that is sort of the beauty of it: knowing there is an end, only enjoying the moment.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Status Report

I'm going to Puerto Rico with one of my girlfriends in early December! It was a last-minute thing and I can't wait to sit on a beach with nothing to do.

Last weekend, us ladies (and a few select boyfriends/husbands) had dinner at the Hotel Gansevoort and then commenced to hang out in the cheesy club/lounge upstairs. I went to the Mercury afterwards to catch a few songs by Freezepop before heading home. Did I mention Halloween yet or not? Well, three of us actually joined in the Village Parade affair... and had a blast. I went as a legitimately scary zombie. There were so many great costumes--someone dressed as an Oscar trophy, there was a whole gang of WWE wrestlers including the Hulk, a pair of surgeons who wheeled a gurney the entire length of the parade (the gurney held the words "Economy" and it was attached to a heart monitor that was flat-lining). Strangely enough, the Occupy Wall Streeters were there "occupying" the Halloween parade in earnest (I'm assuming that they saw the party was at the parade, so they couldn't resist). That's the only parade I love, and I don't know why we don't do it every year, so maybe this is the beginning of something.

Work is truly awesome. I hadn't noticed that the only thing keeping me from enjoying work were two people in particular. Then those two people got canned and now I am happier than ever, so go figure.

Guys are consistently dumb. Their total cluelessness is the bane of my existence. I can't even call them "assholes," because that would be giving them too much credit for actual premeditation. I think they're just dumb. Or that I'm smart(er). Now I know why some cultures try to keep their women uneducated.

Both my parents are still in Iran. They called me on the train back from Mashad where they made a religious offering. Still no sign from the Iranian government about the status of my identity papers...

Thursday, November 3, 2011